“Come on, Grandma,” shouted Drew. “Let’s go outside and blow some soap bubbles.”
“Hold your horses, young man,” warned Grandma Barty. “Don’t start putting the cart before the horse. We need to move this darn couch.”
“What are you talking about?” asked Drew. “I ain’t got no horses or cart.” Seven-year-old Drew was spending the day with his grandma while his parents went to the big city.
“Didn’t your parents teach you that ain’t is not a word?” Grandmas asked, shaking her head. “That kind of language gets my goat.”
“What goat? What are you so mad about, Gram?
“I’m not angry. It’s just that people will think you’re uneducated.” Grandma looked at Drew to see if he was still up to the task. “Now, let’s take the bull by the horns and finish this job,” she urged, grabbing one end of the massive sofa.
“Are you sure you’re feeling okay, Grandma? This here’s a couch—not a bull!” Drew insisted, pointing at the weathered davenport. “It’s too heavy!”
Grandma Barty sighed. “Listen, boy. We’re moving this monstrosity—come hell or high water. You can bet your bottom dollar on that!”
“It won’t budge.” Drew fell on the floor laughing, seemingly with a case of the giggles. “Don’t you think we need to think outside the box?” Before she could answer, Drew went into another round of hysterics.
“What in tarnation is wrong with you? Now get up, and let’s put some muscle into this. I may be old, but I’m still as fit as a fiddle.”
Drew got to his feet and grabbed the other end. “We need to work together, Grandma. On the count of three, let’s see if we can move this thing. “One! Two!” But before Drew could call out the magic number, his hand flew up to his nose.
“What’s wrong now? Are you just being plain lazy? Don’t try to pull the wool over my eyes!”
“I’m trying, Gram. It’s just that you cut the cheese right when I was going to say three. Maybe we should do this later.”
“No, we’ll do it now!” Grandma Barty demanded. “I’m still fresh as a daisy.”
Finally, after several tries, Drew and Grandma got the couch to budge. They were so tired they collapsed into the cushions.
As they were resting, Drew’s parents burst into the room, having returned from their outing. Drew’s mom, Jill, took one look and asked. “Are you okay, Mom? What’s wrong? Did Drew wear you out?”
“Oh, hogwash! I’ve never been better. You know what I always say, No pain, no gain! No guts, no glory! We just have to put our noses to the grindstone and keep a stiff upper lip!”
Mom turned to Drew. “What is Grandma carrying on about?”
Drew winked at Grandma Barty and said, “You know, Mom, Grandma is a force to be reckoned with. She goes against the grain, but when push comes to shove, she’s the best thing since sliced bread.”